grieving
If we live long enough, we will all end up facing bereavement at some time during our lives. Although grief is usually one of the toughest things we need to deal with, it is a natural process and a healthy response to loss. Still, those mourning could often do with some support.
There is, of course, no single way to grieve. We are all different and each of us is likely to go through the process in our own special way. There seem, however, to be various stages which are fairly common to us, but they are not always distinctive and there is usually some overlapping between them. Also, not everyone experiences all of the stages.
stages of grief
- We often first react with numbness, disbelief and denial. - It can take a while for the reality of some events and situations to sink in.
- Denial can be replaced, in time, by feelings of deep yearning for the person concerned.
- Depending on our belief system and particular situation, we may go through a period of bargaining. – “If it but only turns out to all be a mistake, I will dedicate the rest of my life to cancer research.”
- Next we can feel anger and start blaming others. This stage can be accompanied by feelings of agitation and there can be times when it is difficult for us to concentrate or to relax or sleep.
- Alternatively we may feel relieved, particularly if the person experienced a long or distressing illness or if we acted as a carer for any length of time. This is a perfectly normal reaction and doesn't mean that we can’t also grieve for the person.
- We can go through a period of feeling guilty about some trivial oversight in the past or things that could have been said or done differently. We may dwell on arguments we may have had with the person or on emotions and words we wish we had expressed. We may even feel guilty that we were unable to prevent the person’s death or, in some cases, that we ourselves are still alive.
- Usually, strong emotions eventually give way to bouts of intense sadness, silence and withdrawal from family and friends. Reminders of the dead person may set off pangs of longing and even sudden outbursts of tears.
- Finally we slowly manage to let go of the person to carry on with our lives in one way or another. Although things will probably not be the same as before, our sleeping patterns and energy levels begin to return to normal.
Because we are all different and therefore go through a bereavement in our own individual way, one cannot say how long any of us should take to get over a personal loss. Generally, however, the acute phase of the grieving process can be expected to last for up to two months and milder symptoms for a year or even longer.
help
Most of us manage to get through it by ourselves, but there are many who may need a bit of help. This is especially so in cases where it is difficult to face up to the loss, where one becomes stuck in one or other of the above stages of grief or where the loss causes undue depression. Sometimes outside factors can also prevent us from healing in the usual way.
I now offer a four-session, one-on-one workshop to help bereaved people through this difficult process. Hypnosis and NLP can be effective tools in easing pain, healing the emotional wounds of loss, adapting to a new situation and generally finding ourselves once again. Life is too short to spend much of it in a state of debilitating grief and we really do owe it to the person we are mourning to let him or her go and to re-build our lives within a reasonable space time.
Use this link to view my fees page or this link to make an appointment to see me. (I do, of course, understand that it is important for you to find the right person to work with, so feel safe in the knowledge that I won’t charge you for your first visit if, by the end of it, you decide that my way of working is not quite right for you.) Should you have any questions, or should you just wish to speak to me about this (or anything else), please feel free to send me an e-mail or to just call me on 020 7734 4000.
