fear
Fear is an interesting emotion because, although fear is usually just fear, it is also quite frequently the underlying emotion beneath many other states we experience. These can include states of sadness, depression, impatience, irritation, urgency or anger and also those times when we find ourselves having issues around control. If what we’re experiencing causes us to start avoiding certain people, situations or activities or to become resistant to them, it's a fairly good indication that it's really fear that’s at the root of it all.
what is fear?
Fear is a natural instinct, which arises when we’re confronted with a perceived danger. As with other similar reactions, it is essentially a 'fight or flight' response, preparing us to either run away from danger or stand our ground and fight it. Fear is probably of less help to modern man than it was to our early ancestors who lived in a much wilder environment than we now do.
We may believe that fear has the function of preventing us from doing something dangerous or stupid. At first, this would appear to be a reasonable assumption but, in time, we may find that it’s our fear itself that's holding us back. As we try to avoid the discomfort associated with certain situations, activities, people or experiences, our options narrow and our world grows smaller and smaller. Fear eventually develops its own energy and, when we try to overcome it, it can show itself to have the ironic and sinister agenda of actually protecting itself against us as if, instead, we're its enemy.
In a moment of crisis, adrenalin rushes through our system, facilitating in us very clear thoughts and the ability to act quickly and decisively. We don’t really experience much fear at this time. It usually only develops later when we think back on what might have happened. It's therefore not our fear that helps to protect us, but our intelligence. In fact, most of the time, our fear is quite unhelpful and, as we have seen, it can cause us real difficulties, especially if we go on to develop a fear of fear or an avoidance of fear.
... or is it excitement?
Physical sensations of sudden fear may include a pounding heart, quicker and shallower breathing, a knot in our chest or stomach, clammy palms or breaking out in a more general cold sweat.
I find it really interesting that these sensations may also accompany various other states we experience. Indeed, whether we are being startled by a thug that's about to attack us; anticipating a romantic date that we’re both concerned and excited about or just enjoying a rather thrilling fun-fair ride, we may each time feel very similar sensations. It's even more fascinating to think that an event that we may find fun and exhilarating can be interpreted as extremely frightening by another person, and vice versa.
Our fear instinct also doesn’t always know the difference between us having to give a little talk to a few friends and something truly life-threatening. Its only reference as to how serious a situation might be is to be found in our behaviour and in the things we imagine when we think about it.
breaking the pattern
Every time we choose safety and allow ourselves to avoid those situations that cause us to experience the effects of fear, we actually end up just reinforcing our fear. We therefore need to find a way to break the pattern, control our emotional state and stop focussing on what could go wrong.
help
I now offer a six-session, personalised fear-management course in which I work with my clients on a one-to-one basis. Together we deal with the underlying causes of their negative emotions, their belief system and the way they perceive and respond to difficult situations.
Generally, we are all able to heal our underlying pain, learn to let our feelings subside and adopt helpful strategies to manage our emotions. Most of us have a surprising ability to calm ourselves and to not only control our outward behaviour but also our internal responses. Hypnotherapy and NLP are excellent tools for helping us deal with both the symptoms and the underlying causes of our emotional issues.
Please use this link to view my fees page, or this link to make a time to see me. (I do, of course, understand that it is important for you to find the right person to work with, so feel safe in the knowledge that I won’t charge you for your first visit if, by the end of it, you decide that my way of working is not quite right for you.) Should you have any questions, or should you just wish to speak to me about this (or anything else), please feel free to send me an e-mail or to just call me on 020 7734 4000.
Do not let fear continue to consume you!.
