dealing with separation
Most of us will end up facing a difficult break-up at some time during our lives. On an emotional level, overcoming such an event can be similar to, and almost as difficult as, dealing with the death of someone close to us. Although this sort of grief is usually one of the toughest things we need to deal with, it is a natural process and a healthy response to loss. Still, those mourning could often do with some support.
There is, of course, no single way to grieve. We are all different and each of us is likely to go through the process in our own special way. There seem, however, to be various stages which are fairly common to us, but they are not always distinctive and there is usually some overlapping between them. Also, not everyone experiences all of the stages.
stages of grief
- We often first react with numbness, disbelief and denial. - It can take a while for the reality of some events and situations to sink in.
- Denial can be replaced, in time, by feelings of deep yearning for the person concerned.
- Depending on our belief system and particular situation, we may go through a period of bargaining. – “If he or she comes back to me, I will never so much as look at another man or woman (as the case may be).”
- Next we can feel anger and start blaming others. This stage can be accompanied by feelings of agitation and there can be times when it is difficult for us to concentrate or to relax or sleep.
- Alternatively we may feel relieved, particularly if the person previously made life uncomfortable for us or caused us harm. This is a perfectly normal reaction and doesn't mean that we can’t also grieve for him or her.
- We can go through a period of feeling guilty about some trivial oversight in the past or things that we could said or done differently. We may dwell on arguments we may have had with the person or on emotions and words we wish we had expressed.
- Usually, strong emotions eventually give way to bouts of intense sadness, silence and withdrawal from family and friends. Reminders of the person may set off pangs of longing and even sudden outbursts of tears.
- Finally we slowly manage to let go of the person concerned and begin to carry on with our lives in one way or another. Although things will probably not be the same as before, our sleeping patterns and energy levels begin to return to normal.
Because we are all different and therefore go through a break-up in our own individual way, one cannot say how long any of us should take to get over a personal loss. Generally, however, the acute phase of the grieving process can be expected to last for up to two months and milder symptoms for a year or even longer.
help
Most of us manage to get through bad break-ups by ourselves, but there are many who may need a bit of help. This is especially so in cases where it is difficult to face up to the loss, where one becomes stuck in one or other of the above stages of grief or where the loss causes undue depression. Sometimes certain outside factors can also prevent us from healing in the usual way.
I now offer a four-session, one-on-one workshop to help my clients through this difficult process. Hypnosis and NLP can be effective tools in easing pain, healing the emotional wounds of loss, adapting to a new situation and generally finding ourselves once again. Life is too short to spend much of it in a state of debilitating sadness and we really do owe it to ourselves to let the person go and to re-build our lives within a reasonable space time.
Use this link to view my fees page or this link to make an appointment to see me. (I do, of course, understand that it is important for you to find the right person to work with, so feel safe in the knowledge that I won’t charge you for your first visit if, by the end of it, you decide that my way of working is not quite right for you.) Should you have any questions, or should you just wish to speak to me about this (or anything else), please feel free to send me an e-mail or to just call me on 020 7734 4000.
